Family systems
Family systems on the board
The board came out of family therapy, so this is the use it was built for. It also carries the most risk, because family material goes deeper faster than team material does.
Why the board suits families
Families are hard to talk about because everyone in them has a version. The board sidesteps the argument about whose version is right by asking a narrower question: where does everyone stand, in your picture, today. That is answerable, and it is not a claim about anybody else.
It also reaches things people do not have words for. A client who says "we get on fine" will place two figures back to back and then look at what they have done. The hands are often more honest than the sentence.
Who goes on the board
- Everyone the client counts as family, including people who are dead, estranged, or not related by blood.
- The client themselves. It is easy to forget, and where they place themselves is usually the most interesting figure on the board.
- Things that are not people: an illness, a move to another country, a family business, a secret, a rule such as "we do not talk about money".
- Anyone the client hesitates about. Hesitation is information, and the figure can always be placed far outside the group.
Questions that work here
- Where would each of them place themselves, if they were doing this?
- Who in this family has the clearest view of everyone else?
- Who is looking at whom, and is anyone looking at nobody?
- Which of these distances has changed in the last five years?
- If your mother could move one figure, which one would she move?
- Where were you standing on this board at ten years old?
Couples
With a couple in the room, let each of them build their own board before either sees the other's. Two boards of the same relationship, side by side, do more work in five minutes than an hour of alternating accounts. The question is not which board is right. It is what it is like to see the other one.
Where coaching stops
This matters more here than anywhere else
A family board can surface trauma, grief and abuse quickly and without warning, because the client is not talking, they are placing. If that happens, stop the exercise, stay with the person rather than the board, and say plainly that this belongs somewhere other than a coaching session. Knowing that line and naming it out loud is part of the work, not a failure of it.
Two practical signals: the client goes quiet and stops moving figures, or a figure gets placed and immediately taken off the board. Neither is a reason to push.
Is this a family constellation?
Not in the classic sense. A family constellation in the Hellinger tradition uses people in a room as representatives and rests on assumptions many coaches do not share. A board makes no such claims. It shows one person's picture of their family and lets them move it. What you do with what appears is ordinary systemic work.
- Is a constellation board the same as a family constellation? ▾
- No. A family constellation in the Hellinger tradition uses people in a room as representatives and rests on assumptions many coaches do not share. A board shows one person's picture of their family and lets them move it, and claims nothing beyond that.
- Can I use a constellation board with a couple? ▾
- Yes, and the strongest version is to let each partner build their own board before either sees the other's. Two boards of the same relationship side by side do more in five minutes than an hour of alternating accounts.
- Who belongs on a family board? ▾
- Everyone the client counts as family, including people who have died, are estranged, or are not related by blood. Also the client themselves, and things that are not people: an illness, a move abroad, a secret, a family rule.
- What if strong emotion comes up? ▾
- Stop the exercise and stay with the person rather than the board. Family material can surface quickly because the client is placing rather than talking. If it belongs in therapy, say so plainly. Naming that line is part of the work.
Try it on your own situation
Free, no account, and nothing is uploaded. Place a few figures and see what the distances tell you.
